FROG

In this new year, I've made a lot of changes.  I actually started last year with work and have made conscious efforts to change everything from the way I spend money and use credit cards to the way I perform at work, supervise employees, and most importantly magnifying and increasing my walk with the Lord.  This last change is the most important of all.  You see, because I have seen how important it is to fully rely on the Lord. (FROG)

My friend, Gennifer taught my the acronym FROG and I have seen it already played out in special ways in these first few weeks of 2013.  I've watched my best friend from high school lose her home to a fire but because of a change in sleeping pattern that normally wouldn't have happened, her family was unhurt.  I've seen confirmations of the power of prayer in the continued good health of my family and the working of the Lord in our church.  I've grown closer to my brothers and sisters in Christ as we have set our minds on the Lord.  I've stayed on the path of financial reform by cutting up credit cards and living on what's in the bank.  God has come thru time and time again with an on-time travel check, child support, and other fiscal ways.  I've nurtured old friends and made new.  I've discovered that I have to pray for my children and let his will be done in their life.

Through all of this, I've learned just how unreliable I am and how reliable and faithful God is.  I've been growing for the past 2 years in Christ, but this is a new season.  I am stirred.  I'm beginning to see more clearly how I need to step back and let God work in all areas of my life.  This perspective is exciting and scary.  For a control freak like me, it causes fear.  But the woman of God in me is excited.  I am so ready to be a vessel for the kingdom.  Not halfway walking in his will, but all the way.  Where will it take me?  What else will I see for 2013??

I don't mean to say that I am sensing all of His Will will be happy times in the emotional sense.  I want to be humbled.  I want to feel the pain and grief for the lost.  I want to experience a fraction of the pain God feels for us when we disappoint him.  I want to do the hard unrewarding work that will bring me close to him. I want to feel the pain and uncomfortable that it takes to be as close as I can get.  This kind of temporary pain in the flesh will lead to lasting joy in the spirit.  I'm sensing that only when I am brought low will I be fully relying on God.  Does that sound crazy??

I'd ask that you all pray for me.  Pray that I am humbled before the Lord and used as he would have me used.  Thanks.

Failure

Today, I was in the car with a co-worker.  Now this co-worker says that they pray and things like Bless you but I've never heard them say that they are a Christian.  So anyway, we were talking about being sick.  I was talking about my infamous "Vitamin C' they were telling me about how they had let themselves go because they had had a rough couple of years, become depressed, and let themselves go health-wise.  Anyway, I made the comment that my joy in the Lord helps me.  I guess I thought I would get an opportunity to witness.  I probably should have witnessed....

I didn't though.  Because what my co-worker said made me so sad I wanted to cry...  I guess when they said that they grew up a Methodist but are a philosophical person now, I could almost predict it because I had been there. You see, I too had the "World Religions" class in college.  I tried to interrupt and say that the class had deceived me...  But I couldn't...  When they went on to say that they thought Jesus was a cool person and one of their heroes, I couldn't hardly breathe....  I was driving so I didn't have to look at them but I wanted to cry.  I wanted to pull over the car and beg and plead and tell them, no, He's MORE than that...  He is life, He is our only hope.  But how could I??  I had walked where they do and knew what it took to bring me back to the Lord.  Years of wandering and feeling the same way.  Worldly, educated because I just knew the so called facts...

So, I failed.  I let them finish their comments about my Lord and then we went on to another subject...  I guess I felt like maybe I shouldn't because we were on work time and I'm a supervisor.  I am so burdened though...  Pray that I get another opportunity and find the right words to witness.  Also, pray for this person that they'll be ready to receive.